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*Never underestimate the power of stupid people in numbers.*
*I don't watch Sesame Street. I know most of that stuff*
*If men had periods, they would brag about the size of their tampons.*
With sad regrets.....
Dear friends:
It is with the saddest heart that I have to pass on the
following. Please
join me in remembering a great icon.
Veteran Pillsbury spokesperson, The Pillsbury Doughboy,
died yesterday
of a severe yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes to the belly.
He was 71. Doughboy was
buried in a slightly greased coffin.
Dozens of celebrities turned out, including Mrs. Butterworth, the California
Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker the Hostess Twinkies, Captain Crunch, and many others.
The grave side was piled
high with flours as longtime friend, Aunt Jemima, delivered the eulogy, describing Doughboy as a man who "never knew
how much he was kneaded."
Doughboy rose quickly in show business but his later life was filled with many turnovers.
He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes.
Despite being a little
flaky at times he even still, as a crusty old man, he was considered a roll model for millions.
Toward the end
it was thought he'd rise once again, but he was no tart. Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough. They have two children
and one in the oven. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
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Children's Books that didn't quite make the cut...
1. You Are Different and That's Bad
2. The Boy Who Died
From Eating All His Vegetables
3. Dad's New Wife Robert
4. Fun four-letter Words to Know and Share
5. Hammers,
Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book
6. The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking
7. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped
Loving Her
8. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
9. All Cats Go to Heck
10. The Little Sissy Who Snitched
11. Some Kittens Can Fly.
12. That's it, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption
13. Grandpa Gets a Casket
14.
The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
15. Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia
16. The Pop-Up Book of Human
Anatomy
17. Strangers Have the Best Candy
18. Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way
19. You Were an Accident
20. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
21. Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games
22.
The Man in the Moon Is Actually Satan
23. Your Nightmares Are Real
24. Where Would You Like to Be Buried?
25.
Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
26. Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
27. Places Where
Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things
28. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
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ok this might take some explaining...but this is something some of us at church made up doing that game where you make up
a story one word at a time...it's really great...by the way donnie, he's out youth pastor and Jon is a guy at my church...and
you'd have to be in my sunday school class to understand the Winn-Dixie thing...ohh well
Jon likes purple underwear
up Donnie's butt crack because the dances funny no more, but Cortney smiles while talking in the ladies pantry of Hurst Bowl
because Jon turned away from gay Winn-Dixie managers named obviously for streaking butt naked people through the shoulder
parking garage in space gear shines like peanut butter twisted around flag-polls at Winn-Dixie
Relief
For A Stressful Day
Picture yourself near a stream.
Birds are singing in the crisp, cool mountain
air.
Nothing can bother you here. No one knows your secret place. You are in total seclusion.
The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.
You can easily make
out the face of the person you are holding under the water.
There now. Feeling better?
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